what it’s like to have medical trauma

Hi everyone! My name is Mahrynn, I’m fourteen years old, and I’m writing the blog post for this month (yay!). I know medical trauma is kind of a sensitive topic, but I do think it needs to be talked about more to remove some of the stigma around it. I understand how uncomfortable it can be to be open about it with friends or family, or even yourself sometimes (believe me I do!) so I thought I might do it first so maybe it will encourage you to do the same. Although if you’re not ready that’s okay too :) For this blog post I thought I’d have someone I know who knows about medical trauma interview me... so I hope you enjoy the rest of this post. Thanks for reading!

Q: What is it like overall to have medical trauma?

A: This is kind of a tough question for me to answer. I know everyone is different, and that their experiences are different, even trying to describe what it’s like for me overall is hard. My first answer is “I don’t know”-because I’m always in it. It’s my normal so I don’t know exactly how to describe it to people who don’t have medical trauma. It’s also difficult because I’m constantly asking myself if I’m being too vulnerable or sharing too much, but I’ll try my best to answer.

I won’t lie, it's hard coping with medical trauma. You don’t know if/when your symptoms will get worse or better. You don’t know who you can trust with the information. And it’s constant trial and error to figure out ways to try to prevent being triggered - especially when you have medical visits and procedures and symptoms as much as I do. I have figured out ways, but it’s difficult. My family and I have tried all sorts of things, like surprising me with procedures so that I don’t spend days worrying about it, using cold spray, and distractions, but I had to find my own way of doing things.

Q: How do you react when something triggers your medical trauma symptoms? Have you developed habits?

A: I have developed some habits like shutting down, and not talking or moving, sometimes just tuning out and wanting to be out of that situation. I recognize that these might not be great habits to develop, but I am working on them every day.

Q: What can you do to help with medical trauma? 

A: Going to see a therapist definitely helps, and they may also offer some things, like breathing exercises, or exposure therapy. 

Q: Can medical trauma change/get better or worse? 

A: Yes, In my experience it can change. In some instances it changes because there’s excessive amounts of stress, but other times it can shock you, because there really isn’t a reason for it to change. It just does it on it’s own.

Q: Is there anything that can trigger you? Any ways to avoid them?

A: Some triggers for me are the smell of alcohol wipes in the hospital, little things like that. Sadly there aren’t a ton of ways to avoid it, but if anyone has any suggestions then I’d be open to anything.

Q: Are there any steps you can take to being more open about your trauma?

A: Knowing who you can trust, and who you feel comfortable with is the first step. Talking about medical trauma can be pretty uncomfortable, so talking about it with the people who make you feel completely comfortable can make things a bit easier. Also, you are not as alone as you may feel. There are a lot of people out there dealing with this, too.

Q: Are there any steps other people can take to help you feel more comfortable with being open about your trauma? 

A: Listening with a completely open mind. There have been a few times where I’m frustrated and I try to share what’s going on, but people don’t really understand, and they don’t want to be open minded or listen. There’s something I’ve been saying for a long time, if you don’t understand, be understanding. It’s so incredibly important. 

Q: How has COVID-19 impacted your medical trauma, with testing and everything? 

A: I’ll be completely honest, it hasn’t had a great impact. With testing the way it is, it can be really traumatic. Sometimes medical trauma isn’t just needles, it can be other things, too. I’ve had a pretty lousy time with testing, but I appreciate all the doctors and nurses putting in their time. Staying safe is necessary right now so I’ve been getting tested when I have to, and staying home.

Q: If your medical trauma ever does get worse what should you do? 

A: Talk to a therapist, and maybe go back and do a bit more exposure therapy, or breathing. Sometimes it takes going back to the beginning. With that being said, there are new therapies every day that you can try.

Q: Are there any new tools that have helped?

A: As I stated before, medical trauma isn’t always with needles, but that’s how it started out for me, so what I would suggest is a shot blocker. It’s a tool that distracts the rest of the nerves, while the needle goes in so you can barely feel it.

Q: What would you say to someone else who is living with medical trauma?

A: Even though trauma like this can make you feel low, it will make you stronger, and you will learn new ways to reach people. Don’t hold things in. Talking to other people can be really difficult, but holding things in can end badly. Try not to get too into your head or embarrassed about not being okay. If someone is like, “oh you’re crying too much, you’re too sensitive” then they’re not actually your people. You’re doing your best; you’re trying every day. I think it’s important to advocate for yourself, and that takes a lot of work. It’s kind of day by day. It’s never going to be perfect, but as the great Hannah Montana once said, “nobody’s perfect”.

Thank you all so much for reading! It means a lot to me. I hope you enjoyed it! And if you could please donate, and/or share that would be very appreciated. Thanks again!